I am really missing my dad today so I decided on impulse to stop and take a walk through the Ruth Gamble Gardens in Palo Alto. This is one of the last places I brought him to when he was still well. I am dreading father's day knowing that I will not be able to give him a hug or kiss on the cheek ... it hurts like no other pain. It's hard to explain or make sense of unless you've experienced it. I felt like I needed to remember and walk where he walked to remind myself that it's okay to mourn, cry, be angry, be vulnerable. Mourning is a process, a journey... one we all go through in our own way.
As I walked along the dirt path I could feel him smiling. I know he is with me in spirit. He loved this little garden. He loved life... he didn't want to die. Seeing these beautiful flowers I am reminded that our time here limited. Live life to the fullest, allow yourself to bloom... take it all in.
Remembering, mourning and allowing myself to feel again. I love you dad.